Monday, April 02, 2007

Pant Splitting Humor.....

Oh, just in case you were wondering, the link in the above heading has nothing specifically to do with the heading itself, I just found some pants alteration link and put it in there. :P


Ok, so pants. Yes indeed they can be the butt, no pun intended, of a number of jokes and good spirited comments. We make fun of pants when.....they are too short, too tight, way too baggy, riding too low on the hips, they make a virtual boner when you sit down, are an ugly color, have rips in the wrong places, the waist is hidden under your spare tires, they are acid-washed.

Well, you get the picture. Any number of different things can go wrong with pants. All of which are funny to others, and just a horrible nightmare to you if you are the one being made fun of.

I have a pants story for you today. Now I will say this, I am a good natured person, who can take a joke, and even laugh at myself if it's funny enough. And that's where this story is going.

So I get into work today, after the weekend which included April Fool's Day, to find my office floor covered in little, plastic, Dixie cup type glasses. Each of the glasses was about 3/4 full of water. There were no spaces between the cups, and my chair was embedded in the middle of this ocean of water cups.
There was no way for me to even pull out my chair if I wanted to without spilling um-teen numbers of these water filled glasses.

Well played I say, well played. Wouldn't have thought of this one myself.

So after several requisite rounds of laughter, and jeering at my expense, I set about the task of dispensing with these little water glasses.

No easy task.

I had a large, empty, several gallon office type water bottle to use as a reservoir, and I started to pout these little water filled glasses into this bigger bottle.
I was squatting down, sitting on the balls of my feet doing this, and would routinely stand up to stretch out, or move to a better position.

Then something happened.....I heard, and felt, a light tear of fabric.

Now I have ripped the crotch out of a pair of pants before, as most of us have at some time or another. This one sounded minor.
I stood up, looked around to see if anyone was watching, and casually checked the seem in the crotch of my pants.

A small rip, whew! This was maybe about and inch long, something which was easily fixable with a needle and thread, provided I could find someone with a needle and thread.

So I continue to empty the little water filled glasses.

Now there are times during this process, where some of the supervisors I manage, are coming up to me and still poking fun at me, making funny comments, and sometimes asking legitimate questions about work. So I am constantly crouching down, then standing up, etc, etc, etc.
Each time I crouch down, I do the old "pull up the pant legs", and THEN I crouch down. This is the technique which usually stop pant crotches from ripping in the first place.
Well as it happens, I must have been distracted this last time. As I went into full crouch mode, there was a audible ripping sound, and I could feel the whole seem of the crotch of my pants let go.
This was not an inch or two, this was long, really long, too long to be able to walk around and pretend nothing was wrong. This was the kind of long which people point and laugh at when you walk by. This was long enough that I was hoping, and praying, that at least I was wearing black underwear to match the pants and camouflage the blinking neon sign that said "Hey, look at this guy, he split his pants WIDE OPEN!"

Well, I check the seem with my hand, and sure enough, it's a massive opening. I will not be able to hide this at all.

I look out of my office, and see a supervisor on my team sitting at his desk.....maybe he can help me. I pick up the phone and call his extension.

In a whispering, scared voice I say "Hey man, you gotta help me".

He says "What's wrong?"

I say "I blew out the crotch in my pants man."

He proceeds to spit coffee out his nose and giggle like a school girl. I suppose it's only fitting considering what I just told him.
So he comes over to my office, still laughing.
I get him to check how the back looks, and yessir, the rip is evident.

From here the story gets pretty boring. But, it all turns out for the good. I decide I will need to go buy a pair of pants. I call another manager, and she agrees to come with me to shop for pants.
I end up getting a pair of pants, 2 pairs of shoes, 2 shirts, a belt, and a People magazine.
The real surprise of this whole situation, was I was not in a great mood after ripping my pants. But, after shopping and buying way too much stuff, I was in a great mood. Shopping made me happy.
I suppose shopping, in the end, is just an endorphin-releasing activity. I can see how people get addicted to it.

Maybe that's why people are soo happy around Christmas time.


And on a completely opposite note, I will leave you with a video which I laughed a lot at tonight...

Enjoy..hehe.




Laterz.
AH

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