The Start of All Good Things

Yes, everything has to start somewhere.

In fact, without starting, you cannot end, and there certain;ly would be no middle.

But why start at all? Why even bother to start something, knowing that one day it will end? Why put all of that effort into it, knowing it will all be in vain someday? There is no hope that whatever you start will be able to slip past, and make it to forever....it's impossible. It will end, and that will be that.
Game over.
C'est Finit.

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I recently broke up with my girlfriend. Well, to be more acurate, she said she feels pressured and has some doubts about our relationship, and needs some time to herself. She says if her feelings change, she will contact me.
Great, so here I sit in a holding pattern. Waiting for her to think, and maybe contact me.
I won't go into details, but I have a feeling I know why this woman is the age she is, and still single. Too controlling, superficial and materialistic, and lack of communication skills......these are the main reasons.
So, I think it is just really a matter of time before she contacts me, and says she is through with our relationship. At this stage, I have given in to the thought of ending the relationship, and moving on to greener pastures. I don't need someone who will say that spending one evening a week with me is taking up too much of her time. That does not sound like someone who wants a relationship at all.

What am I feeling inside you ask?

Well, I am sad of course. I have been with the woman for some time, and I do have strong feelings for her. But, after finding out who she really is, I don't think I want to spend my life trying to live up to her standards..... and getting the emotional shit kicked out of me when I fail.
I am angry too. Angry that she waited for all this time to tell me hoiw pressured she feels, and what makes her feel pressured. If I had known most of these things earlier on, I could have done something about them. But, to have them laid out in an email.....all 18 points.....just goes to show she was saving them all up, and playing some sort of checklist game. I don't like playing these relationship games, so she can go play with someone else.
I feel stressed too. I suppose because of the waiting at this point. I know she will contact me.....but when will that be. My guess is in about a week. She will contact me to say she is through. So I wait, becuase she does not want me to contact her.....she wants the space.

I once saw a quote on the internet. There was a picture of a gorgeous woman, and the caption under it said "No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit".

Ain't it the truth brother.....ain't it the truth!


Laterz - AH