Heartache

Today I went to my answering machine to check messages, something I rarely do. I usually just check my phone to see who has called, and then call them back if I think I need to. Consequently my answering machine routinely gets jammed full, and I have to sit there erasing messages for 10 minutes. A lot of people have mentioned to me that they left me a message the other day, but I just tell them sorry, I don't think I listened to it.
Anyway, so I am checking messages, and what's the first one on the machine? You got it, it was one from my girlfriend. Ok, just be fair, it's not a new message, it's about 6 weeks old. But it was such a nice message at the time. She was being all cute calling herself my girlfriend as she drove out of town for the weekend. I just couldn't erase it.
So that was the first message I heard. And I will admit, it made my teary eyed. Afterwards I sat around thinking how nice it would be if we made up and continued dating. I was getting all cozy with these thoughts, and then I gave my head a shake. Isn't this the same woman who listed 18 things she thinks are pressuring her in our relationship, and listed my car as the 2nd reason she has doubts about our relationship?
I am still really on the fence to tell you the truth. Why is that? I know deep down she is not the right woman for me, yet I still yearn to have her back in my life.
Is it because we all tend to gravitate towards the familiar? Yes I think that's a big part of it. It's kind of the reason we all like coming home after being out somewhere.....familiarity and comfort.
I think it's also because we all hate failure, rejection, and heartache. Heartache is the worst. It's never really as bad as when you first break up. You feel sooo sad.
Once you are single for a while, you forget what agony of the heart is all about. We all do. It's what gives us the courage to jump back on the horse and try the relationship things again.....we have simply forgotten what it was to be heartbroken. If we could experience that heartbreak over again, we would never dive into dating ever again. It would freak us right out! Everybody would be sooo afraid of getting hurt again, we would all be single.
But, since time heals all wounds, our heartache goes away, we start to notice women again, and BAM.....we get hooked on another one.
Ultimately, I am not complaining.....although it may seem that I am. I am of the mind that I will one day find that person with whom I will spend the rest of my life with. Which at the moment, is getting shorter by the day.

Boys and girls, my point here today is you can't control who you fall in love with. You can, however, control your feelings when you break up. Take stock of the relationship and look at the things you know are not working, and will never work for the both of you.
It's really just a matter of mind over heartache.


"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible."
- Mother Teresa


Laterz - AH