Status Quo-tes

Here is a list of Facebook status updates from various folks:

- Jon is allergic to metaphors.
- Stephanie is thinking that she has the worst luck in the world.
- Heather is Happy and Playful as always :)
- Camille is almost back to normal.
- Andrew is America (and so can you!)
- Lindsay is crazy....that's right.
- Sally is tired.. tired of sneezing.
- Mandy is finished with you.
- Todd is watchin his little pumpkin play!
- Jared is moving on.
- Shawn is nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
- Alexandra is absolutely zonked.
- Candy is freaking about how much money she just spent on furniture.
- Terril is looking forward to the weekend. Is it here yet?
- AnnMarie is freezing!
- Stephen is angry at the Vikings ... were all those violent raids REALLY necessary?
- Andrew is pretty much jobless and still getting paid. He is a king among men.
- Lindsay is a loser.
- Kelly is a pain in the ass!!
- Cyd is wanting her muses to stop being wankers.
- Kim is making cupcakes - EVERYONE likes cupcakes!!!
- Trish is going to see the Dinosaurs!!
- Breanne is working while Mike eats a donut. What's wrong with that picture?
- Maria is so so sad.......
- Alexandra is busy trying to make sense of it all.
- Mia is just not sure anymore.
- Ashley is at the no pants party.
- Kim is desperately in need of a good night's sleep . . . . and a few other things.
- Adrienne is mad at Sears. Fuck Sears!
- Jill is sad because she lost a very dear friend far too soon.
- Neal is finding that Stina Nordenstam's voice makes an ideal soundtrack to evening snowfall... :-).
- Henry is an idiot for giving it another try.
- Kris is all like "hakuna matata bitches."
- Victoria is whatever.
- Matthew is mayking planes WOOOSH.
- Ashleigh is stressed.
- Andrijko is shoveling snow for the next 6 months. Yipee.
- Sonia is sniffly and coughy and generally all around feeling yucky!
- Jeremy is sick again. wtf.
- Armin is somewhere!
- Mike is contemplatin mah super eval plan...
- David is Is happy he got the newest scooter cd and is Jumping All Over The World!!!!!
- Scott is probably going to SNAP any minute now.
- Catherine is the proud owner of a new fresh Christmas Tree.
- Amanda is in need of neocitran, stat.
- Stacy is . counting the sleeps till Santa comes!!
- Dave is learning as he goes!
- Jaime says l'habitant
- Ashley is destined to only ever fall in love with fictional men.
- Jon is sad that his fingertips are melting :(
- Olesia is getting ready for opening night!
- Jason is working on "the project."
- Sheldene is numb...
- James is preparing to litter.


And as always, some totally unrelated videos (and since I am in a foul mood, the videos are not very tasteful at all.....be warned):

I Love Noodles


The Original Joke


Anyone Seen My Dignity


Superjerk Saves The day


Laterz
AH

Celebrity Jeopardy - SNL Style

I find some things in life pretty funny, but eventually simmer down into a smirk on my face.

SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy skits from the past, however, always make me laugh, no matter how many times I watch them.

I don't have much to say about them, I just wanted to share a few with you so you could have a laugh as well.

Enjoy!

Sean Connery, French Stewart, Burt Renalds (aka Turd Fergason)


Sean Connery, Adam Sandler, Tom Cruise


Sean Connery, Minnie Driver, Jeff Goldblum


Sean Connery, Robin Williams, Catherine Zeta Jones


Sean Connery, Ozzy Osbourne, Martha Stewart


Sean Connery, Keannu Reeves, Hillary Swank


Compilation of Sean Connery on SNL Celebrity Jeopardy


Laterz
AH

Commercials

Surfing around YouTube today I came across a wide variety of commercials.

The ones below are just a few of the many funny and interesting commercials you can find on YouTube.

Hope you like these particular ones.


Commodore Vic-20 commercial


171 Starbucks


Nike Banned Commercials.......NOT


Flinstones selling cigarettes (old commercial)


The Ladies Bathroom - Sexy Banned Commercial


BANNED commercial: Mother said I could!


Pepsi Commercial (full version)


WoW Chinese Coke Commercial


KFC Chinese Ad


Laterz.
AH

Pant Splitting Humor.....

Oh, just in case you were wondering, the link in the above heading has nothing specifically to do with the heading itself, I just found some pants alteration link and put it in there. :P


Ok, so pants. Yes indeed they can be the butt, no pun intended, of a number of jokes and good spirited comments. We make fun of pants when.....they are too short, too tight, way too baggy, riding too low on the hips, they make a virtual boner when you sit down, are an ugly color, have rips in the wrong places, the waist is hidden under your spare tires, they are acid-washed.

Well, you get the picture. Any number of different things can go wrong with pants. All of which are funny to others, and just a horrible nightmare to you if you are the one being made fun of.

I have a pants story for you today. Now I will say this, I am a good natured person, who can take a joke, and even laugh at myself if it's funny enough. And that's where this story is going.

So I get into work today, after the weekend which included April Fool's Day, to find my office floor covered in little, plastic, Dixie cup type glasses. Each of the glasses was about 3/4 full of water. There were no spaces between the cups, and my chair was embedded in the middle of this ocean of water cups.
There was no way for me to even pull out my chair if I wanted to without spilling um-teen numbers of these water filled glasses.

Well played I say, well played. Wouldn't have thought of this one myself.

So after several requisite rounds of laughter, and jeering at my expense, I set about the task of dispensing with these little water glasses.

No easy task.

I had a large, empty, several gallon office type water bottle to use as a reservoir, and I started to pout these little water filled glasses into this bigger bottle.
I was squatting down, sitting on the balls of my feet doing this, and would routinely stand up to stretch out, or move to a better position.

Then something happened.....I heard, and felt, a light tear of fabric.

Now I have ripped the crotch out of a pair of pants before, as most of us have at some time or another. This one sounded minor.
I stood up, looked around to see if anyone was watching, and casually checked the seem in the crotch of my pants.

A small rip, whew! This was maybe about and inch long, something which was easily fixable with a needle and thread, provided I could find someone with a needle and thread.

So I continue to empty the little water filled glasses.

Now there are times during this process, where some of the supervisors I manage, are coming up to me and still poking fun at me, making funny comments, and sometimes asking legitimate questions about work. So I am constantly crouching down, then standing up, etc, etc, etc.
Each time I crouch down, I do the old "pull up the pant legs", and THEN I crouch down. This is the technique which usually stop pant crotches from ripping in the first place.
Well as it happens, I must have been distracted this last time. As I went into full crouch mode, there was a audible ripping sound, and I could feel the whole seem of the crotch of my pants let go.
This was not an inch or two, this was long, really long, too long to be able to walk around and pretend nothing was wrong. This was the kind of long which people point and laugh at when you walk by. This was long enough that I was hoping, and praying, that at least I was wearing black underwear to match the pants and camouflage the blinking neon sign that said "Hey, look at this guy, he split his pants WIDE OPEN!"

Well, I check the seem with my hand, and sure enough, it's a massive opening. I will not be able to hide this at all.

I look out of my office, and see a supervisor on my team sitting at his desk.....maybe he can help me. I pick up the phone and call his extension.

In a whispering, scared voice I say "Hey man, you gotta help me".

He says "What's wrong?"

I say "I blew out the crotch in my pants man."

He proceeds to spit coffee out his nose and giggle like a school girl. I suppose it's only fitting considering what I just told him.
So he comes over to my office, still laughing.
I get him to check how the back looks, and yessir, the rip is evident.

From here the story gets pretty boring. But, it all turns out for the good. I decide I will need to go buy a pair of pants. I call another manager, and she agrees to come with me to shop for pants.
I end up getting a pair of pants, 2 pairs of shoes, 2 shirts, a belt, and a People magazine.
The real surprise of this whole situation, was I was not in a great mood after ripping my pants. But, after shopping and buying way too much stuff, I was in a great mood. Shopping made me happy.
I suppose shopping, in the end, is just an endorphin-releasing activity. I can see how people get addicted to it.

Maybe that's why people are soo happy around Christmas time.


And on a completely opposite note, I will leave you with a video which I laughed a lot at tonight...

Enjoy..hehe.




Laterz.
AH